Racially Stupid
One thing that continually astounds me about Americans is our ability to concentrate on the dumbest things in the world when it concerns the daily news stories and events that everyone chatters on about.
For those of you still under a rock, the past few days have been surrounding the saga of Don Imus, a n’er-do-well in the world of shock jock radio, who has recently been crucified on a burning cross for some offensive statements he made while on his daily radio show.
Read that above paragraph a few times — go ahead, I’ll wait. Do you see the stupidity yet?
A shock jock. Making offensive commentary. Oh, REAAAAALLLY?
I, personally, am flabbergasted. I thought they were all about fat yellow bumblebees, sunshine on tulips, and fuzzy bunnies in fields of clover. All the things that make cherubic angels sigh in orgasmic joy. (They are, of course — as long as the bumblebee is sodomizing the bunny with the tulip stem.)
But what is even worse is the uproar this has caused from the American people. Fire Imus! Punish him! BAD, TERRIBLE MAN!!! And then in the next breath, they head to the nearest Sam Goody and buy Punky Honkie Rapper’s new album, “My Hos Have More Bitch-Ass Than Your Hos”.
That burning smell? That’s the scent of brain cells frying in consternation.
You see, because we’re a wonderful nation of hypocrites, ranging from the dieters who insist on following the latest diets but can’t be bothered to wedge their fat asses out of a chair and walk to work to religious whackaloons that preach a policy of love for all mankind and tolerance and in the same breath condemn homosexuals, other religions, or whoever they feel like that particular day. The public apparently thrives on the extreme stories, the nutcases, the oddities — I imagine simply because “regular” news is far too boring for simple minds to be entertained by. In a nation where daytime talkshows are huge hits and confrontational episodes featuring, “the girl that screwed my brother while I was sleeping with her mother”, are good entertainment, news stories have to keep up or we’ll just switch the channel to something more, “inspiring”.
The real deal is that this Don Imus episode isn’t a big of a deal at all, really. There’s a billion tons of shock jocks on the radio these days because, frankly, they sell — the American people love folks with cojones enough to say and do the things that they are just too frightened or shy to think about, no matter how apolitically correct. The things they talk about and utter are meant to be offensive and this isn’t the first time that someone has targeted a particular group and made fun of them.
The only thing that separates this from other inflamatory remarks is that it happens to hit so many targets at once and really pisses off a large number of radical organizations whose sole mission is to drive the rest of us barking mad. From one insult we have gotten the Southern Christian Leadership Conference, the National Association of Black Journalists, the NAACP, NOW, and The Reverend Jesse Jackson involved, not to name the tons of others that have risen up against Imus because he made such a shotgun comment that hit tons of nerves across the nation.
But really — who are you people fooling? You’ll piss and moan and whine about this guy whose job is to offend people, who is supported by a vast number of Americans who enjoy his banter, and then you’ll go home and listen to your incredibly-stereotypical African-American rappers, watch stereotypical gay comedies on TV, and giggle at movies featuring oppressed women opposite chauvaunistic men. Just keep locking your doors as you drive through the ‘hood and pulling the shades on your windows at night, because your hipocrisy will keep you safe.
I have no time for people such as these. If you are not going to stand for something and stand for it 100%, then shut the hell up. All you do is make yourselves look like complete and utter nutcases on the news, ranting on and on about sexual deviants while the hamster in your sock drawer is hoping that tonight isn’t “Play Night”. You’re wasting our oxygen and, according to the environmental bozos, there isn’t a lot of that left, either.
While true redemption can only come by heeding my choice words of wisdom, in the meantime, poor Don Imus will be strung up, flayed like a squawking rooster, and dragged through town on his nipples, apologizing and committing himself to “tolerance classes” or paying restitution to minority charities or some such, all in the spirit of getting the hellhounds off his back for doing his job in the first place. Even nicer yet, his parent company (MSNBC/WNBC) won’t step up and say something, like, “Well, we told Don to be as offensive as possible beacause, frankly, you people enjoy it and it gets fabulous ratings.” There’s no finer spirit in the entire world than a corporation covering its own ass to the deteriment of all.
If you’re smart — if you’re fair — if you’re logical — you’ll stop perpetuating this crime of mis-placed effort in reform. I am all for equal rights for all, for stopping disparaging commentary about races, religions, and ways of life, and for ensuring that smart, intelligent, progressive, and inspiring stories and activities take place in our world. But these groups attack the end result, not the source, and thus they aren’t actually doing any good in the world at all. Swimming out and hitting the iceburg that sunk the Titanic with a hammer won’t actually do any good, other than providing icecubes for your martini. Getting the drunk captain off the bridge might have been a more effective move in the first place. For the love of Peter, Paul, and Mary — don’t waste your efforts.
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