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THEOLOGICAL ENGINEERING EXAM 1
5 Questions, 60 Minutes
You may use a calculator, the Bible, the Koran, the Torah, and the Book of Mormon. The speed of light is c. Show all work. For all problems, assume a perfectly spherical Jesus of constant density D. No praying during the exam.

  1. (20 pts) Bob and Joe are standing on a street corner. God loves each an equal amount L. Bob then accelerates to .9c. In Joe's rest frame, how much does God now love Bob?

  2. Sven, a Catholic, is in a state of grace. He then has sex with sheep S:
    a. (8 pts) What is Sven's atonement coefficient following the act if the sheep was not willing?
    b. (12 pts) What if the sheep, while not technically being willing, count not be said to mind, either?

  3. (20 pts) Let the eternal, all-abiding love of the Holy Spirit be the x-y plane. Let Sue's soul be at (0,0,5) at t=0 sec. travelling at 5 m/s in the direction of the positive z axis. Everything is in Cartesian coordinates bespeaking subscription to a perfectly rational Enlightenment attitude towards the Universe. At what time t will Sue be saved? (Hint: Assume a point soul.)

  4. (20 pts) Assume the Rapture occurs at time t. Cornelia, a saved human weighing 90 kg, in a state of grace, has her head in the closing jaws of an alligator at time t. What mass of meat will remain to the alligator at time t + 10 sec.?

  5. Stan is a frictionless, massless Mormon in a rest state. His sin level for his faith is currently 11 McBeals. He eats .3 kg of pork and enjoys it very much. Assume that the Jews are right about, well, pretty much everything:
    a. (10 pts) What is Stan's sin level now?
    b. (10 pts) Assuming Stan repents at a constant accleration of .32 petitions/hour, at what point will he reach a state of Holiness?
Extra Credit (10 pts): 25 grams of wafers and 20 ml of cheap wine undergo transubstantiation and become the flesh and blood of our Lord. How many Joules of heat are released by the transformation?

Hand in exam when done, and may God have mercy on your work.
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